Expect The Unexpected

Years ago, I heard it said to “expect the unexpected… and then expect something else”. That was an ‘aha’ moment that I’ve never forgotten. The idea is to not be too surprised by unplanned news, events or circumstances since even those will likely not transpire exactly as you would have anticipated.

Right after New Year’s, I had planned surgery on my right foot. But, one month later, I experienced sudden and unplanned pain and swelling of my left knee. Wanting an idea of what to expect, I googled the anatomy of the knee. It seemed obvious that the culprit was my meniscus although the ‘why’ was a bit more obscure. Turns out that my meniscus had torn in two places along with some ligament damage. Even now, weeks later, considerable pain, inflammation, swelling, and fluid persist.

As for the ‘why’, I didn’t see it coming. My symptoms have been caused by the joint space in my knee narrowing to considerably less than the usual 1 cm gap. Other than a couple of temporary stop gap measures such as painkillers and joint space filler injections, the only lasting solution is knee replacement surgery. In Canada, that’s about a two year wait.

Nothing like the ‘unexpected’ followed by the ‘something else’.

Lots of things in life happen unexpectedly… both positive and negative. But, our reaction to the unexpected makes all the difference.

Take time to absorb the unexpected news, circumstance or event (but not too much time). While I didn’t feel so great about things initially, I didn’t let myself stay there.

Don’t assume that if something unwanted happens, it will automatically turn out badly. Unexpected situations often have the potential to open the door to new events in our lives that we do want.

Many a silver lining has been found in a dark cloud.

It’s often said to ‘hope for the best but plan for the worst’ when, in actuality, ‘it’s best to plan for the best’. Planning for the best possible outcome leads to the actions that bring good experiences.

It’s also important to keep a positive attitude. Being candid about our circumstances but genuinely positive about the outcome is inspirational. People love a good news story so be the good news.

I’d rather roll with the punches and come out on top. I’d rather rebound from an unexpected setback with an unexpected comeback, armed with a positive attitude and a good sense of humour.

With my recent diagnosis in mind, I’ve made an unexpected adjustment to my career, dusted off the stationary bike in the basement, and have been planning my comeback.

The real unexpected is me…

Obviously…

There’s nothing as frustrating as when you discover the answer to a dilemma has been hiding in plain sight.

Case in point…

Several months after I got my iPhone 5s, the sound abruptly stopped working. I pressed every button, checked every setting, and did numerous internet searches, all to no avail. Every now and then, I repeated all the above, but never came any closer to finding the solution. So, I eventually gave up and resigned myself to having a silent phone.

One day last summer, I made an offhand remark to an acquaintance about my phone not having sound. Without saying a word, she reached over, flipped a switch and, voila, problem solved.

I was incredulous. TWO full years without sound, and the solution was as simple as flipping a switch. To say I felt like an idiot was an understatement.

I shouldn’t be too hard on myself because, truth be told, missing the obvious is a pretty common thing. It happens to the best of us, and more frequently than we like to admit.

I know I often get caught up in thinking that things have to be difficult when in fact they rarely are. It doesn’t help that, if I’m frustrated, my natural inclination to be methodical goes out the window. It’s also not uncommon that I’ll miss the answer right in front of me because I thought it would be something else.

All I know is that the next time I ask for directions and someone says, “you can’t miss it”, the odds are I will, in fact, miss it…

“You can’t miss it – it’s the third mirage on the left.”

Putting Your Best Foot Forward

In case you’re wondering, my left foot is my best foot.

That wasn’t always the case. Both of my feet were at their best until about three years ago when I started to experience chronic pain in my right foot. Much to my surprise, a foot doctor advised that I needed surgery.

So, I did what a lot of people do and procrastinated. A lot. I thought the problem would improve on its own (it didn’t) or that it wouldn’t get any worse (it did). Finally, several months ago, I couldn’t ignore the issue any longer and booked the surgery. The problem was I had waited so long that the surgery will be more extensive than if I’d addressed the issue long ago.

That experience makes me think of the idiom “putting your best foot forward”, referring to showing yourself in the best or most positive way possible. In a nutshell, making a favorable impression. 

How often do we intend to put our best foot forward but then something within us interferes? Things like a wrong attitude, a critical spirit, anger, unforgiveness, bitterness, impatience, unkindness… to name a few. We know what needs to be corrected but we procrastinate doing anything about it. We think it will improve on it’s own (it doesn’t) or that it won’t get any worse (it does). Then, one day, we recognize the unmistakable truth that our efforts to show ourselves in the best or most positive way have been a pretense. We’ve been attempting to make something appear true that isn’t the case.

The good news is that it’s never too late to do surgery on our character. But the longer we take to address the problem, the more extensive the ‘surgery’ to turn things around. Sometimes, we wait so long to address the problem that our character flaw becomes obvious to even the most casual observer.

This is the time of year when many of us make New Year’s resolutions… such as quit smoking, exercise more, lose weight, spend less, save more. All worthwhile pursuits. But, perhaps this year, we should consider making a resolution to improve our character. Stop criticizing, be kinder, be more giving, be less selfish, be more genuine, be less superficial.

How?

Find an accountability partner who will give you honest and wise feedback (“As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” – Proverbs 27:17 NLT) . Volunteer your time helping others less fortunate (it will give you perspective). Take practical steps to ensure you’re living a balanced life (balance in life is critical). When you observe a desired character strength in action in another person’s life, ask for the key(s) to their success (their answer may surprise you).

Whatever your weakness, work on making it your strength. Just make sure you’re focusing on the right things (another reason to have an accountability partner).

When you’re able to stand on your own two feet, you’ll be ready to put your best foot forward. Here’s to 20/20 vision in 2020!

It’s A Sign

Decisions. Decisions. Decisions.

One thing we all have in common is that we make decisions daily. Of course, some decisions are far more significant than others. The decision of what we’ll have for dinner is relatively minor compared to a major life decision. Although, there are days the dinner decision trumps all other decisions in order of importance (at least in our house).

When we’re considering a reasonably major decision, it’s not uncommon to look for a sign. Something… anything… that will help us know what the right decision is.

The main problem with this is that all signs are not created equal. Some signs are so clearly misleading, we know not to give them any real consideration. But then, what’s obvious to one person is not always obvious to the next. So, misleading signs can be a stumbling block to some.

Other signs seem promising but, since they can be interpreted more than one way, we often take a lot of time and effort deciding if they’re worth paying attention to.

Other signs are downright confusing. Ironically, we tend to spend more calories on this type of sign on the off chance that clarity can be found through sufficient reflection (and no, it usually can’t).

The sign we really want is the one that gives us the answer outright but that type of sign tends to be elusive. But, consider this… how many times do we get an obvious sign yet choose to ignore it because it doesn’t support our desired outcome?

A good rule of thumb is this…

When you have a big decision to make, pay attention to the signs but do your due diligence because you won’t have clarity otherwise.

Seek good information. Get wise counsel to help interpret what you think you’re seeing (with the emphasis on ‘wise’). Weigh all the pros and cons (making a physical list can be very helpful). Take your history and past decisions into consideration. Stay away from any decision that compromises your values. Take time to really think things through. Don’t let your emotions override reason. Pray (a lot). Don’t act in haste (unless time truly is of the essence). But, on the flip side, don’t take too long to make a decision.

Keep in mind that sometimes the best decision isn’t the most obvious and that the right decision might be the hardest. Decisions can also be tough when it’s a choice between what you want and what you know is right.

If a seemingly good decision turns out to be bad, don’t beat yourself up. No one is perfect and mistakes will happen. But, if we learn from our mistakes and resolve not to repeat them, we’re on the path to making something positive out of something negative.

Well, as this has been a relatively serious post, it’s best to leave you with something humorous.

There’s a sign for that…

It’s Just An Act

I love idioms.

An idiom is a phrase that isn’t meant to be taken literally. For instance, if someone tells you to “break a leg”, they’re wishing you good luck rather than hoping you spend the next six weeks on crutches.

Idioms. Every language has them and some are pretty funny. Like the Portuguese idiom “he who doesn’t have a dog, hunts with cats” (meaning you make the most of what you’ve been given). Or, the Spanish idiom, “a lot of noise and no walnuts” (meaning someone is all talk and no action).

In the English language, a relatively common (albeit unfunny) idiom is “get your act together”. Essentially, it means “get your life in order”.

If we’re honest, it can be easy to appear that we have our life in order when in fact it feels like anything but.

I say this from experience. Oh, I have moments where I feel like I have my act together. Sometimes, even stretches of time. I can even be lulled into thinking that keeping my act together is not that difficult. But, then challenges inevitably arise and my act starts looking as shaky as a house of cards.

What about you?

Maybe one of your kids is going through a crisis or your marriage has hit a rough patch. You may be one paycheck away from losing everything or struggling with a hidden addiction. Maybe you have a hair trigger temper or perhaps anxiety is running the show and keeping you from living your best life.

We all know that everyone on Facebook has a perfect life but the reality is that life is not all sunshine and rainbows.

Life is about getting our life together and then keeping our life together… albeit imperfectly. Life is messy. Our act is going to be messy sometimes. It’s freeing and authentic to acknowledge it. But, this too shall pass.

No matter what your act looks like right now, don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s your act. Don’t let it get the best of you.

Make sure you’re keeping the main thing, the main thing. Get enough sleep. Don’t skip meals. Keep your sense of humour. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Be kind. Pet a dog… or, if you don’t have a dog, hunt with a cat. Organize a closet or drawer. Donate some gently used items.

Forgive someone. Thank someone. Laugh more. Cry less. Pray.

The bottom line?

Your act is what you make it. The ball is in your court.

Don’t be a lot of noise and no walnuts.

A word to the wise…

Wisdom teeth are interesting. They’re the last of our teeth to emerge (somewhere between the ages of 17 and 21) but they’re also the most painful and perhaps the most useless.

They tend to be impacted… meaning the tooth is blocked as it attempts to push through the gum into the mouth. But, even if they come in naturally, most people don’t have enough room in their mouth to accommodate them. The longer they stay, the more likely they’ll cause pain, swelling, infection, or crowd the other teeth.

There’s only one solution… extraction.

Why are they even called wisdom teeth in the first place? The reasoning was that they appear so late (as third teeth) … at an age when people are presumably wiser than they were as a child, when their second teeth came through.

So… that begs the question… is wisdom always painful and does it automatically come with age?

Well… yes and no. Wisdom is quite often painful and, no, it doesn’t automatically come with age.

The dictionary defines wisdom as “the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment”… things that take time and, often, trial and error. It’s rare that we acquire wisdom when life is going well. But, that’s not to say that wisdom is always the result of age or experience.

Wisdom isn’t simply intellect, intelligence, or knowledge. It’s the ability to use what we know, or have learned, to think and act in such a way that common sense and good judgement prevail. We also gain valuable wisdom by surrounding ourselves with wise people. But, to gain the best kind of wisdom, we need God.

Why God’s wisdom?

Do you know someone who stands out because of their wisdom? Someone you look up to for that reason?

You can be that person.

It’s never too early or too late to seek wisdom.

So… go for it.

Wise up!

 

 

Kindness & Kids…

Where does kindness start?

I think it starts with kids. After all, the kindest adults are often the ones who were the kindest children. Or, at the very least, who were taught the principles of kindness as a child.

As with most things, kindness is best learned from the beginning.

Many parents are preoccupied with their children’s achievements, grades or happiness but how many place the same importance on whether their child is kind? If they had to choose between the attribute or the accomplishment, which would prevail?

One cold and snowy winter day when my son was attending university, he noticed an elderly woman struggling to get to the bus stop as the bus approached. He cried as he recounted how she would have been able to catch the bus if he had only flagged it down.

That was a proud moment as a parent… to see how it broke the heart of my child to know he had missed an opportunity to extend kindness to someone who had especially needed it.

“You will never have a completely bad day if you show kindness at least once.” Greg Henry Quinn

While I am extremely proud of my son and all that he has accomplished, I am proudest of who he is as a person. All the accomplishments in the world can’t make up for lack of character.

Cultivating kindness in our children is an investment that will always pay off.

Need some ideas?

• Make extending kindness toward others a priority for your child. Help them understand the importance of being kind to everyone, and hold them accountable.
• Create opportunities for your child to show kindness. Have them participate in the regular care of a pet. If you don’t have a pet, consider adopting a fish or a hamster. Taking care of another living thing encourages kids to think outside of themselves.
• Expand your child’s range of influence. Volunteer as a family. Fill a shoebox together at Christmastime for a needy child. Suggest your child make a card to cheer up a sick friend.
• Be your child’s role model and mentor. Kids learn kindness by watching the example of adults they look up to. As a parent, you hold a position of particular influence. There are so many teachable moments in your child’s life… take advantage of them.
• Read your child a story from the Bible about kindness, such as the one about the Good Samaritan. Ask thought provoking questions like, “If a mean kid got hurt, would you laugh and say, ‘It serves him right!’ or would you stop and help”? or “Has there ever been a time when you’ve avoided helping someone? What would you do differently next time?”

It’s far easier to teach kindness to a child than it is to unteach unkindness to a teenager or to an adult.

The Bible says to train up a child in the way he should go and that when he is old, he will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6). Notice that it says ‘train up‘. Train up from a young age. Train up when your child doesn’t understand kindness. Train up when your child doesn’t feel like being kind.

The practice of extending kindness to others works to soften our hearts and change us, and the same is true for kids. You can’t routinely go out of your way to be kind to others, and not have it change you in fundamental ways. Even if you’re only going through the motions, the day will come when you realize that you do, in fact, genuinely care.

No matter what your age is, kindness matters.

I kid you not…

 

Power in patience

I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s power in patience.

Consider anyone you know who seems especially patient, and you’ll see a person who is in control. I don’t mean in control of their circumstances or in control of their life but in control of themselves.

Patient people tend to be relatively measured and calm. They have perspective. They don’t miss the forest for the trees. They’re fully present in the moment, and they don’t let frustrations derail them. They have self-control.

In fact, they can sometimes make patience seem easy… even effortless. But, make no mistake, it’s just as hard for them as it for the next person. The difference is in the practicing.

Practice makes permanent. Practice makes patience.

Patience recognizes that, while we often can’t control an outcome or timing or circumstances or people, we can always choose to control our response.

In fact, patience is like a diet. Most diets operate under the premise that you need to eat a certain way for a certain amount of time so you can achieve the results you want, and then life can continue as it did before. Only, all too often people end up gaining back all the weight – and then some – because the diet wasn’t sustainable.

The truly sustainable diet isn’t a diet at all… it’s making a change in eating habits that’s practical for the long haul. It’s only once we accept that there’s no magic formula… just a new way of life and a new way of eating – one bite at a time – that real change happens.

The same is true with patience. We will become more patient once we come to the realization that patience isn’t a quick fix, but a change of mind. It’s changing how we react to disappointments, waiting, anger, frustration, things not happening that we wanted, or things happening that we didn’t want. Or things happening in a different way or a different timing than we’d hoped for. Step by step, patience is developing a determination to change the things we can change – ourselves… our actions and our reactions – and turning the things we can’t change over to God.

But, what if you’re like me, doing reasonably well with patience in many ways but feeling like you’re fighting a losing battle in certain situations?

Well, the Bible has the answer for that.

When I come to the end of myself (which is often…), Jesus is always there to fill up my weakness with his strength. And, what He’ll do for me, He can do for you.

Can’t do it on your own?

Power up…

Have patience…

Patience is foundational to navigating life. But, patience doesn’t come easily to most of us, perhaps because it gets tested so many times in any given day.

Last week, I was driving in the middle of three lanes of northbound traffic during rush hour traffic through an intersection where they’re constructing the first diverging diamond interchange in Canada. As I started to pass under the recently laid spans of the bridge deck, a heavy piece of bolted metal dropped onto the hood of my car, leaving distinct indentations and damage to the paint.

Have patience…

Two days later, we took our 21 month old British bulldog on a rare drive only to have him pee on the seat between us shortly after we had stopped to give him an outdoor pee break.

Have patience…

The day after that, I wrote an entire blog post that disappeared forever just as I was about to publish it (even though I had saved it numerous times throughout the process).

Have patience…

A couple of days after that, life threw me an unexpected – and unpleasant – curveball that I didn’t see coming, and that I’m continuing to have to deal with.

Have patience…

Several months ago, I had received a recall notice in the mail for my car, which I took to the dealership only to discover that the notice was for my last Nissan vehicle. The one I had traded in 3 1/2 years earlier. I phoned Nissan Canada to have the error corrected, and then promptly forgot about it until today, when I received a second recall notice in the mail for the same vehicle.

Have patience…

I did reasonably well with 4 of the 5 instances I’ve described above but I assure you that’s not always the case. Patience is something I grapple with circumstance by circumstance, and I’m reasonably certain I’m not the only one.

Just this past week in the news… Justin Bieber got decked after punching a guy in the face in Cleveland. Twin sisters got in a physical altercation while driving in Maui, and one lost her life when the car subsequently plunged off a cliff. A disagreement in a Costco parking lot in Toronto turned into a brawl between two middle aged couples, prompting one news source to say that we’re living in an age of rage.

This is what the Bible has to say about patience…

“Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly.” Proverbs 14:29

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Ephesians 4:2

“Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.” Proverbs 16:32

It’s easy to be impatient and hard to be patient. But patience is worth it. Impatient people are rarely happy people and usually not that fun to be around, not to mention that others tend to notice when you do things that go against the tide of human nature.

Sometimes you even get featured on Oprah.

But, God always notices even if no one else does.

My goal, my prayer, and my hope is that I will get patience right far more often than I don’t. That the times I demonstrate patience will point others to the One who is able to do in me exceedingly abundantly above all I could ever ask or think.

The patience of Job?

I’m aiming for the patience of Joy…

Perfect peace…

Peace is an interesting topic because many people want it, few have it, and most don’t know how to get it or keep it.

Peace has been around since the beginning of time, starting in the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve never had a single argument, no one was at war, and even the animals all got along. Peace never crossed their minds because they didn’t know a time where they didn’t have it. For one brief time in history, there was peace.

Perfect peace.

But, then sin entered the world when Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, and mankind has struggled to keep a grasp on peace ever since, starting when Cain murdered his brother Abel, and quite possibly when Adam and Eve had an argument or two over whose fault it was that God had banished them from the Garden of Eden.

One of the earliest words signifying peace was the Hebrew word ‘shalom’. To this day, it’s spoken by many Jewish people around the world, and even by many non-Jewish people. It’s often used interchangeably with ‘hello’ and ‘good bye’, which reminds me of John 14:27 when Jesus said, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.”

Shalom.

At the church we regularly attend, after the praise and worship part of each service, it’s customary to shake hands with those around you and speak the blessing, “May the peace of Christ be with you.” To which the reply is, “And also with you.”

I confess it felt weird to do that the first one hundred times or so but I’ve come to appreciate that it’s one of the nicest things we can say to each other. There’s power in speaking peace into someone else’s life, as well as having peace spoken into your own life.

Words aren’t the only way peace is conveyed. For centuries, the dove has been a universal symbol of peace, as has been the olive branch. And, in 1958, a British designer and artist, by the name of Gerald Holtom, designed an actual peace symbol.

Peace must be important to our well being for there to be so many different ways to communicate it. After all, consider that wars rage, terrorists terrorize, people feud, families divide, and it can be easier to hate than to love. Some people are even at war with themselves, as evidenced by self-harming behaviours and self-hatred.

You don’t have to look very far to find people needing peace.

Peace is elusive but the peace from Christ is perfect. Isaiah 26:3 puts it this way:

“You will keep him in perfect peace,
whose mind is stayed on You,
because he trusts in You.”

Sounds straightforward, eh? Well, in practice, we’re imperfect people trying to perfectly trust God, and that affects our peace. Oh, we can have moments of peace… and maybe even stretches of peace… but then something happens to cause inner turmoil or external turmoil in our lives, and our peace goes out the window, just like that.

It’s like riding a bike. It’s easiest to ride on level plain, with no obstacles in sight. But, add some rough terrain, a few obstacles, and a couple of steep hills, and it’s another story entirely. You find yourself having to stand up to pedal or maybe you have to get off your bike and start pushing. Sometimes you need someone to come alongside you… either to help push or simply to encourage you.

Someone to help you bear your load.

“Two people are better than one,
    because they get more done by working together.
If one falls down,
    the other can help him up.
But it is bad for the person who is alone and falls,
    because no one is there to help.”

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

But, then there are the sweet moments when you find yourself at the top of a hill. The bigger the hill, the better. And you can just soar to the bottom without having to hardly touch the pedals.

It’s in those moments when you can just enjoy the ride, and revel in the joy of the journey.

Ahhhh… perfect peace…