There are few, if any, people on this planet who do not have insecurities of some sort. Insecurities about their looks, their bodies, their talents, their weaknesses, things that don’t come easily to them, their fears, their failures. The list is pretty much endless.
What I’ve found is that my insecurities have changed over time. I used to have insecurities about how I looked and what I weighed, and it grew to be an obsession for many years. To say it was easy to overcome would trivialize the agonizingly difficult and time intensive job of countering the negatives with positives, and then following through until I reached the point of physical and emotional health. I could never go through that again, ever. I still like to look my best but how I look no longer has any power over me. I’m on to other things.
My main insecurity has to do with whether people will like me or not.
I’ve had this insecurity for most of my life and, once upon a time, I would change myself as much as possible to try and be other people’s expectations so it would minimize the chances that I would have to experience their rejection.
There were two flaws with that plan. God made me who I am for a reason, so why should I think I have to be someone else in order for anyone to like and accept me? And who was going to like and accept me if I didn’t even like and accept myself? Then, there was the matter of it not even being possible to have every single person like me no matter who I presented myself to be. So why not just be myself and let the chips fall where they may? So, I resolved to just be me.
The problem was I didn’t even know who me was so I had to figure that out in therapy. It was tough but worth it. Now I’m thankful to be me, and I don’t ever want to be anyone else.
So, here’s the scoop for where I’m at today. I don’t necessarily care if everyone likes me, only that certain people like me. If they seem to, my main insecurity is that, at some point, they’re going to come to their senses, change their mind, and go away. This insecurity has been a particularly huge struggle over the past 9 months because 99% of the people I’ve encountered are people who are new to me. And, since I have the same insecurity with people I’ve known for ages, it’s that much harder with people I’ve known for a much shorter period of time.
I’m working on hurdling this insecurity. Some days are easier than others but other days are tough. What I need is a little perspective, starting with the greatest counter to this (and every other) insecurity.
We need truth because insecurities are lies we tell ourselves that we choose to believe.
So, what’s the truth? Well, I’m me. There’s nothing wrong with being me. Not everyone is going to automatically like me. Sometimes people won’t like me when I take a stand for something, in which case the principle is more important than the person (although I would still hope we could agree to disagree). The people who truly like me will like me, flaws, imperfections, and all. They’re not going anywhere. The people who change their minds… well maybe they weren’t the best people to be in my life in the first place or maybe they were just in it for a reason and for a season.
What it comes down to is that I just need to concentrate on being the very best me I can be (channelling Dr. Seuss…), living my life the way I believe I’m supposed to live it, and striving to make a difference no matter where I am or what I’m doing. The rest I need to leave to God, trusting that He knows best. I also need to leave my insecurities with God because I’ve seen with my own eyes that He can heal them and change lives. He did that for me, and He’ll keep on doing it for as long as I’m in work in progress.
Right now, I’ve got a handle on my insecurities and I’m about to show them the door…